I’ve never really been one of those people who look forward to sitting down and writing their goals for the year ahead, but it’d feel a little strange to write my first blog of the year without expressing some sort of resolution sentiment. So I’ll give it a go.

Yes, I should probably start going to the gym more often but everybody knows that if you set that as your New Years’ resolution, you’ll buy the gym membership, go a few times in January, then you’ll barely bother with it until you get that second wind in the summer right before you go on an expensive holiday where you’ll spend some time on a beach. Therefore, I think it’s a bit silly for me to write that as my 2024 goal when I know I won’t stick to it, and it’ll just play in the back of my mind as something I said I’d do, which I’m clearly not doing.

Instead, I’ve been trying to think of the parts of myself and my life over the last year that haven’t made me feel good; things that might seem small, but if I gave more attention to them, maybe I’ll be able to make a big difference.

The most noticeable thing is that I’ve spent a long time feeling consistently a bit stressed. I’ve been stressed about university (when I was still there), my work, my time, my friendships, my family, dating, my body – and then I’ve often exacerbated all of that internal noise by stressing about the fact that I’m stressed. Then, I have a tendency to think that I can control it when I really can’t. With great intentions, I’ll go through cycles where I’ll get worked up about something, then shelve those emotions as I formulate a plan, only for that plan to not fully solve the issue because the issue I started with can’t be controlled anyway. Then I get physically poorly, or my period takes two extra weeks to come.

All in all, I’m a fixer and I’ll always be wired to try my best to fix the problems those close to me are facing, and then the ones which pop up in my own life. But for 2024 I want to become better at giving myself less of a hard time when my efforts fall a little short because in most situations, there comes a point when life or luck takes over and there’s not much you can do to stop or change that. And I want to actually start believing that that’s okay! Because no matter what my catastrophising sub-conscience tells me, everything does tend to be fine in the end. So it’d be a good idea to spare myself the upset every now and then.

Last year was a hugely formative 12 months for me, as I managed to shift my work and career towards where I want to go, whilst still finding the time and money to enjoy myself. I felt myself trust my instincts again after a period of a few years, where it seemed like every other thought was one of self-doubt. Plus, I really think that I’m beginning to feel totally settled in myself: another win.

I don’t know what direction my life will take this year, and I don’t want to spend too long thinking about specific things I want to do because I’ve always loved a surprise, and if my main ‘resolution’ is to relinquish control then writing a list would be counter-productive. Although I do love a list…

I was about to finish this blog off by writing that maybe I care too much about things, but I stopped myself, because my deeply caring nature is something I never want to lose or lessen. So I think that rather than tell myself to stop thinking so much, I just want a year where I learn to take a breath and not say ‘but I can fix it if I just do that one extra thing’. When you were little you were told that your best is all you can do, and that that’s more than good enough, so I won’t make a new resolution, I’ll just try to listen that one again.