Tag: awareness

Chill out mate

Chill out mate

by elizabethmdouglas ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Thankfully this week was a lot nicer, and a lot less stressful than the last.

My last blog was obviously a huge rant, but it might surprise you to know that after writing it, the situation didn’t bother me much. Instances such as the one with that delightful traffic warden aren’t that big of a deal for me because they kind of happen all the time. That being said, it’s never a highlight.

I’m pretty sure that the main contributor to my terrible week was just being ill, and it’s only when the illness leaves that you can realise just how much being full of cold can mess with your state of mind. Already feeling run-down, I was just overwhelmed by everything piling on top of me.

For years now I’ve been so excited about going to University and what it would bring to my life. Plus, I’ve always been pretty independent and self-sufficient so I thought that I would be absolutely fine once I actually moved. And all in all, I am absolutely fine and love it. But I do think that there’s a lot to be said for just how difficult starting University really is.

Not only have I moved to a totally new place, but I’m experiencing so many more pressures than I could have ever envisaged. One of the most stress-inducing being the academic pressures of my course. I mean I’m taking a degree in a language that I’ve never had any exposure to, and I really really struggle with not being good at something. First world problems, I know.

I’ve been telling myself that I’m really bad at Japanese when I stumble over translation or spontaneous speech, and have already cried in frustration at least a handful of times. But in these moments all I’m thinking about is why I can’t remember everything straight away, and I really beat myself up about it. But Japanese isn’t like French, and I need to fully accept that I’m not going to get it straight away, because on a base level: it’s just proper difficult.

I like to think that I’m a pretty self-aware person, so whenever I’m having these explosions of stress and exhaustion I know exactly what to attribute it to. I know when I’m tired, or stressed, or upset about some boy, or am emotionally volatile because I’m ill or on my period, or am missing home. I know that I work really hard, and that it’s okay for me to not understand everything straight away. But no matter how self-aware I am about why I’m being a cry baby, I also know just how stubborn I am.

It’s obvious that I need to not beat myself up about things, but it’s also really clear to me that I always will: I’m just wired that way. People talk a lot about bettering themselves in some sort of self-care scheme, and those schemes are clearly very worthwhile in many instances. But I also think that people should probably talk a little bit more about the parts of themselves that they don’t necessarily like, know aren’t good for them, but know are parts that they could never get rid of.

If I removed my strive for perfection and work ethic, then I just wouldn’t work as hard. And yes, sometimes I wouldn’t be as exhausted or as emotionally wound-up, but I’d also be bored out of my mind because I wouldn’t be doing anything. You can’t really have one without the other.

Plus, this intense part of my personality doesn’t just pop up when I’m in academic settings, it rears its head in my relationships with people. I just care a lot about everything.

I try really hard to always be kind and loving to those around me. Yes, sometimes it ends in unfortunate emotions, but most of the time it helps me to be surrounded by incredible people. And luckily, some of those people are there for the times when I get overwhelmed and just need someone to rant to, give me a big hug and tell me to stop being dumb. *shout-out for Richard last week, thanks buddy xo*

Sometimes I’m stupidly mean to myself…and I should try to not waste my energy like that.

Like a virgin

Like a virgin

by elizabethmdouglas ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

This week I want to talk about the one thing that FILLS the minds of people of all ages, especially those around my age and younger: sex – more specifically, losing your virginity.

It’s a big topic since everyone’s sex life is such a huge deal in today’s society. People put so much pressure on when and how they should lose their virginity, that the act itself is made out to be this big, momentous, personality-shaping, potentially life-ruining moment. To a large extent, I agree that the details of when and how you have sex for the first time are massively important, but not for the same reasons society forces us to believe.

First of all, I don’t believe that there’s a ‘right’ age to do it (except past the legal age obviously). Whenever you choose to have sex, as long as you’re both safe, able to change your minds and feel ready, then so what if you’ve known each other for years or for hours? There’s no need to build it up to be this moment where you need to have been in a relationship for years, on some romantic weekend away, with rose petals on the bed. Let’s be frank, for most people it’s kind of messy and uncomfortable and anticlimactic. Oh, and for most girls, it hurts like a B**** (!) for the first time: yeah, they don’t mention that bit in the movies, do they?

Also boys/girls (but mainly boys): if the girl bleeds, then just be a nice guy and don’t freak out about it. You may not have known that sometimes that happens (and that it’s tOtally normal) but equally, the girl might have had no idea either and your reaction will be a big deal in how she feels about it and herself – both at the time and afterwards. Speaking from experience, the boy I lost my virginity to wasn’t a saint in how he treated me overall, but when I bled he didn’t care one bit so neither did I – if you’re reading this buddy, thanks for that. Xx

Having worked at a girls’ school and just generally being surrounded by people, it’s clear to me that popular culture’s airbrushed narrative of sex and the loss of a person’s virginity is toxic for the individual. You have girls and boys with these unrealistic notions of what sex is going to be like, ultimately ending with disappointment when their reality doesn’t match what they expected. I have so many friends who’ve felt like they nEEded to lose their virginity before University, or in the first week, just so they didn’t have to carry the shame of not being experienced in that area. Sex is a super intimate thing to do with someone, and like everything, you get better with practice.

Personally, I don’t have anything against one-night stands – hey, if you’ve got an itch to scratch, then do you (!safely!) – but I very strongly believe that they should NOT happen through someone being ashamed of being a virgin. That shouldn’t even come into play.

So, if you’re reading this as a virgin, then please don’t force yourself to rush into it just because you think you need to, and don’t expect it to be perfect! I mean, I lost my virginity at 17, but at 20 I’m still yet to thoroughly enJOY sex because, fun fact: it takes a lot of females years of being sexually active and a few sexual partners to get the full experience we all hear so much about. So if you’re in that position too, then it’s cool man, you’re not the only one. Plus, just because you don’t have an orgasm doesn’t mean that it’s not fun.

If you’re over the legal age, feel ready, and are safe (in every way), then you’re good to go. But if you aren’t ALL 3 of those things- even if just 1 of them isn’t right- then like I told my Year 11 girls who asked me about this when I was a Teaching Assistant, the braver and more worthwhile thing to do is just wait until you can tick all 3 of those boxes. Looking after yourself is a l w a y s a good idea, especially when it comes to sex – and that goes for e v e r y o n e.

Losing your virginity might be a bit of a flop orgasm-wise, but as far as I’m concerned sex should always just be fun. So do it with someone that you like and feel good around – that way, it’d be hard not to enjoy it.

A n d u s e p r o t e c t i o n k i d s !

Eyes up here please

Eyes up here please

by elizabethmdouglas ♥ 1 Comment

When I write or talk about my disability, I have to remind myself that the tiny things I experience are not also a part of everyone else’s day-to-day. So this Sunday, I’m going to tell you about one part of my life which may surprise you, though it seems tediously normal to me.

To put it simply: I can’t step out of the house without someone staring at my shoes. For instance, just the other day I was walking in my college at University and one of my fellow St Aidanites walked past me. She stared at my shoes for the entire time we were passing each other – a good 15 seconds – and at no point did she take the time to tear here eyes away from my feet to look me in the eye. Now. People. I get it. Often when you see my shoes it’s the first time you’ve seen anything like them in your life. But come on. Is it really that exciting? Did your parents never teach you that it’s rude to stare? Plus, the object of her amazement was literally just leather boots with some metals bars coming slightly up my legs. Wowee 😮

Growing up I became so used to people staring at my shoes and not looking in my eyes that I was sort of numb to it: on the street, on a bus, in a museum, at the cinema, at school, at the park, with my brothers, with my friends, on my own – you name a time and a situation, someone was probably having a look. Amazingly, I can’t remember ever really being phased by it as a little girl. But then I got older, and I got angry.

A particularly memorable experience is when I was 12 years old and I went to a shopping centre with my family. I was standing on my own in a queue for some food, when I saw a middle-aged woman abandon what she was doing just to gawk at my boots. She literally stopped in the middle of the floor and just stood there looking. I’m not even exaggerating. I was furious and humiliated, so I crouched down to make her realise that there was a person (a child) wearing those shoes who could see exactly what she was doing. She didn’t apologise after she realised I’d seen her, she just walked away. I’ve had more instances like this than I care to remember; with some days gifting me more than one.

Fortunately it’s not always like this. Very rarely, I’m made speechless when someone sincerely says that they like my shoes. Like! The first time in my life someone did this was when I was walking up the stairs at school, aged 17, and a supply teacher said ‘Nice shoes’ to me as he walked past. I stopped dead in my tracks with my mouth wide open, mumbled a stunned ‘thank you’ and watched him walk away. In all honesty I was ready to pounce because I thought he was taking the mick, but I realised that he wasn’t: he actually meant it. So I legged it into my common room and still in disbelief, told my friends about what had just happened. That was the first positive comment I’d ever gotten about my shoes from a stranger, and to this day, that’s only happened a handful of times.

Now that I’m older, somehow I don’t really care about my shoes or the stares. Although if you catch me on a bad/insecure day and I see you staring, then I will hate your guts for a second. Regardless of my mood though, I’ll always at least notice it.

I know that people stare because my shoes and my disability are probably things that they’ve never seen before. So if that then means that I have to be the one to watch you gawk at me like an object for a few seconds, so that you won’t do it to the next disabled person you see then that’s fine, I can take it. Just remember that whatever you’re staring at is being worn by someone, with feelings, and eyes to see you too.