Tag: community

You’ve gotta stick to your lane

You’ve gotta stick to your lane

by elizabethmdouglas ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I’m the type of person who, in the appropriate situation, would like to look, be, or say something sexy. I’ll go on a night out, spot a wall which looks kind of cool and ask a friend to take a photograph of me in front of it, thinking ‘omg yes this’ll be a good shot’. But then the second the camera starts flashing, I can hold my face for a few seconds before I’ve got absolutely no idea what to do with myself and I end up pulling a stupid face. Orrrrrr, I’ll think I’ve nailed it until my friend hands me back the phone and my figure just hasn’t given what I’d envisioned…so all of the shots head straight to the recycling bin. But it’s not that I’m being consciously self-critical in these moments, it’s just that I don’t think that I give off ‘sexy’ vibes…

By this, I think what I mean is that I don’t see myself as demonstrating a very specific version of femininity associated with models and actresses. I’m visualising the lasses who can take the fire pictures, with the perfect bodies, in the expensive underwear, with the sultry eye contact from across the bar, and the bad bitch vibe where the men come running the second they walk into the room. And even though this expression of femininity is gorgeous, often it’s been constructed in order to make women sexually desirable to men. However, connotations of patriarchy and misogyny aside (very difficult to sweep them aside, but stick with me here), I do still want to be sexy and desirable every now and then – probably even if it comes with a hint of objectification – because in that context it’s on my own terms, but no matter my intentions I just don’t think that I give off that sultry kind of energy.

Hence I wonder, is my slight discomfort with the word a disability thing? Possibly. I mean, for centuries the (physically) disabled body has never been portrayed as sexually desirable, in fact, people have often been encouraged to think of the idea of disabled people having sex as repulsive (if it’s ever thought to happen at all). So yes, that’s probably playing a part in my inner monologue. But I don’t think that that’s the main thing going on here; I think what’s happening is that part of me is assuming that you can only really be ‘sexy’ if others describe you in that way.

We (particularly women) seem to like to categorise ourselves and our friends: at some point, we’ve all decided – actively or passively – who is the ‘cute’ one, the ‘pretty’ one, the ‘funny’ one, the ‘clever’ one, the ‘sexy’ one, and so on and so forth, as if there’s a correct way to be each one of those characteristics. These categories then cement to each of us what we are (and what we’re not), so when we’re described as a word that’s outside of our lane, we assume that a mistake’s been made i.e., I’ve never been the ‘sexy’ one in any friendship group, so that’s probably why I don’t see myself in that light.

So even though I’ve never ended a blog with a homework task, get ready! Because this week I’d like to ask that you consider whether there’s a word (or words) you’ve told yourself you could never be. Then, if you’ve thought of one, the next time you go to the place or do the thing that allows you the time to be with yourself and have a good old think, I’d like you to consider why you can’t be that thing. Finally, once you’ve (hopefully) come to the conclusion that you’re being silly and should stop putting yourself in a box, stop thinking and go do something fun; that’s enough of the internal monologue for one day. Wouldn’t want to overthink it, now would we? Or did I do that already?…

A little fish in a big pond

A little fish in a big pond

by elizabethmdouglas ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

As university students, often we live in our own little bubble. We learn, socialise and work all within the same groups, in the same places, mostly at the same times. But a not-so-wonderful consequence of this is that we can forget that we’ve invaded someone else’s city.

I was born in Durham and then lived here for 3 years before my family decided to move down to Bradford in West Yorkshire. I don’t really have any sentimental attachment to Durham itself, but the North East is where a lot of my family are from so whilst I think of myself as very much from West Yorkshire, this part of the country will always be very special to me.

However, in my first year of university I, like many others, got swept away in the excitement of it all. I barely ventured outside of the university world – by this, I don’t mean I never left college, I mean that everywhere I went was with my friends and either for lectures or drinking…So even though this is where I was born, by the time I started my second year I’ll be honest and say that I had very little knowledge of where I was living.

During my time in Durham so far, I’ve noticed quite a lot of rudeness from students to local people; both unintentional and intentional. I’ve been in conversations where I’ve heard students complain about locals being out at the weekend in the bars and the clubs, when I don’t really understand where this sense of entitlement to a private club night came from. These people are from here, and have as much right to a drink and a boogie on a Friday night as any student.

Also, whilst it is super annoying when your neighbour calls the police on you to make a noise complaint, you do have to sit back and remember that they’re probably not enjoying being woken up by a load of drunken students shouting on the street either…

I don’t mean to sound critical of student behaviour, because I’m one of the first to get giddy on a night out and go on a stupid adventure. All I mean to say, is that we do have to remember that we’re living within a wider community than our university bubble. So rather than shooting nasty glances at local people or ignoring them completely, start a conversation with your neighbours. This way, everyone can put a face, a name and a personality to who they’re living around.

I’ve spoken before about how important I think community is, and I think that now more than ever we really need to make an effort to not isolate ourselves from each other. Being a student is great, but it’s good to make sure that you’re not just someone staying in the city for the term; you’re part of the community living there.

Is this a witch hunt now?

Is this a witch hunt now?

by elizabethmdouglas ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Recently, I’ve been trying to learn as much as I can about the world and other people. Though I’ve always enjoyed asking questions, it’s been the past few years of my life when I’ve really made an effort to engage with what’s going on around me. But I’m not just talking about reading the news, or history books; I’m talking about asking my peers questions about sex and relationships, questioning those in positions of authority, and challenging my own views on things as much as I can.

I’ve not reached any definitive conclusions – obviously, I’ve been on the planet for about 20 seconds. However, one of the things that I have come to realise is that people have a real issue with trusting each other. It’s understandably due to all the corruption and deceit experienced throughout human history. But it seems that even in the moments when there’s no need to be so suspicious, we’re automatically assuming the worst of each other.

And that’s kind of sad.

I’m not saying that people should never be suspicious of others, I’m only saying that in always assuming the worst of each other, we’re really losing sight of the importance of community. To make matters worse, in the total tumult of a global pandemic, our own government are explicitly encouraging us to turn on each other. So it might seem like nothing, but the second our government urge us to snitch on our neighbours, that is the moment when our society has a HUGE problem.

Preaching about your civil rights is all well and good, but remember that you aren’t the only person in this society. You can’t dob people in just because you judge what they’re doing as wrong: it’s your right to live your life the way you want to, but don’t forget that your neighbour has the same rights as you. Let’s not have an ego trip and start playing judge, jury and executioner over a neighbour allowing another person into their own home. Frankly, taking that road leads society to dictatorships, ignoring the presence of concentration camps, and public executions. It definitely doesn’t lead to any kind of effective democracy – it never has.

Thus even though it can sometimes lead to disappointment, we really need to trust each other more. After all, very few people commit crimes sp there’s no need for us to assume that the worst will always happen first.

Government likes to dismantle community to strengthen its own control. But the government won’t be the ones rushing to your aid if you get knocked over by a car and start bleeding in the middle of the street. They won’t be there to speak to you when you’re lonely. They won’t be the ones you ask to look after your children whilst you run to the shop to get some more milk. So be careful about burning your bridges with your community: they’re the people you actually need.