durham – An Indelible Friend

As university students, often we live in our own little bubble. We learn, socialise and work all within the same groups, in the same places, mostly at the same times. But a not-so-wonderful consequence of this is that we can forget that we’ve invaded someone else’s city.

I was born in Durham and then lived here for 3 years before my family decided to move down to Bradford in West Yorkshire. I don’t really have any sentimental attachment to Durham itself, but the North East is where a lot of my family are from so whilst I think of myself as very much from West Yorkshire, this part of the country will always be very special to me.

However, in my first year of university I, like many others, got swept away in the excitement of it all. I barely ventured outside of the university world – by this, I don’t mean I never left college, I mean that everywhere I went was with my friends and either for lectures or drinking…So even though this is where I was born, by the time I started my second year I’ll be honest and say that I had very little knowledge of where I was living.

During my time in Durham so far, I’ve noticed quite a lot of rudeness from students to local people; both unintentional and intentional. I’ve been in conversations where I’ve heard students complain about locals being out at the weekend in the bars and the clubs, when I don’t really understand where this sense of entitlement to a private club night came from. These people are from here, and have as much right to a drink and a boogie on a Friday night as any student.

Also, whilst it is super annoying when your neighbour calls the police on you to make a noise complaint, you do have to sit back and remember that they’re probably not enjoying being woken up by a load of drunken students shouting on the street either…

I don’t mean to sound critical of student behaviour, because I’m one of the first to get giddy on a night out and go on a stupid adventure. All I mean to say, is that we do have to remember that we’re living within a wider community than our university bubble. So rather than shooting nasty glances at local people or ignoring them completely, start a conversation with your neighbours. This way, everyone can put a face, a name and a personality to who they’re living around.

I’ve spoken before about how important I think community is, and I think that now more than ever we really need to make an effort to not isolate ourselves from each other. Being a student is great, but it’s good to make sure that you’re not just someone staying in the city for the term; you’re part of the community living there.

This weekend I’m spending my time back in beautiful Bradford for a couple of days, so naturally I thought it the perfect opportunity to write about my new University friends without having to awkwardly look at them whilst I describe them…so here you go squad.

On my very first day at Durham University, I met about half of the people I now call some of my closest friends and after the necessary small talk, we moved onto the hard-hitting stuff and discussed the wonderful world of hummus for (at least) 40 minutes. The traditional way to kick-start long-lasting friendships.

Meeting new people is always very challenging, seeing as you often have to try and decide which version of yourself you’re going to show for the first few days. You have to tip-toe around each other when it comes to humour, since you don’t want to offend someone or come across as unkind when all you’re trying to do is make everyone laugh. THEN, you also can’t really show anyone the moments when you’re tired or upset, seeing as you don’t want to come across as a downer, or boring to be around. So all in all, the first few days of University are kind of emotionally exhausting. But in the midst of all that internal stress, I was lucky to get to know some of the sweetest, funniest and most interesting people I’ve ever met in my life.

One of my favourite things about my new friends is that they come from all over the world, and have had such different life experiences to my own. Some spent their adolescence growing up in London, others in Scotland, one in Kenya and some even had the tough, tough time of having to grow up in the Midlands. It must have been rough guys, I can’t even begin to imagine…

JOKING! love you, can’t wait for some more Yorkshire jokes when I get back 🙂 xox

Moving to University is a really challenging moment in a young person’s life. We’re thrown into a completely new environment, with people we don’t know and who don’t know us, causing us to be on our best behaviour at all times – and there’s no guarantee that you’ll find people you feel really comfortable with at the end of all that. Lucky for me, I’ve found people I hope to be friends with for a very long time. I’ve struggled with missing home and being overwhelmed by my workload at points, but after having managed to surround myself with good people who make me feel relaxed, loved and safe at all times, getting through those moments has been easier.

So for anyone who’s struggling at University, or is about to go and is nervous, my advice to you is to find some people that you truly like and stick with them. A very very important element of doing that though is to also be yourself around those people; let them realise how much they like you too. It’s easy sometimes to hang out with people just because you think that they’re the ‘right’ people to associate with, but honestly there’s no point wasting your time like that, so try not to do it. If your relationship with someone doesn’t make you feel great most of the time, then ditch it. I’ve found that if you surround yourself with people whose company you genuinely really enjoy, life is that little bit more exciting. It sounds obvious, but you’d be surprised by the amount of people who stick in friendships they don’t even really like to begin with. Don’t be that guy: find some buddies you love as much as I love mine.

An Indelible Friend

Tag: durham

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