Tag: durhamuniversity

Graduation, but then what?

Graduation, but then what?

by elizabethmdouglas ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

In my head, I think that I’m pretty good at hiding my emotions…but then every time I’m even slightly upset or angry, it usually takes my friends, family, or colleagues about 0.5 seconds to notice. So clearly, I’m slightly deluded. However, whilst it may be true that my overall mood is very easy for others to discern, I am that person who takes on a lot of things and eventually snaps when all of those things have piled up in my head. Then it’s in the moments when I’m close to snapping that my mood goes down, I’m tired, and I’m likely to burst into an ugly cry if anyone hits me with the ‘are you okay?’.

Don’t worry, I’m not about to confess to the internet that I’m in the middle of having an existential crisis…Though I will say that I’ve had a pretty intense last few months which have gifted me both good and bad stress, resulting in a few days when my mood hasn’t been as chirpy as it is normally. And one of these stresses has been something that I know many of my peers are overthinking right now: what the hell are we going to do after graduation?

For me, my graduation from university mostly brings a sense of relief. The last 3 years have been a lot of fun in parts but I’d be lying if I said that I don’t feel ready to leave; I’m tired of being confronted by the same annoying problems brought to me by Durham University, and I ache to leave the education system behind for a second. I mean, I’ve been in it for 17 years! That’s a long time. Granted, I had a year out before university but I did work in 2 schools for 6 months of that…then I taught in 3 of the 4 countries I visited…So no matter how much I know I’ll continue to study something for the rest of my life, I think I’d like to give formal education a rest for now.

It’s scary though. I can see it in my friends’ faces when we actually sit for a minute and talk about what we each want to do after uni: everyone masks the apprehension at being thrust into the adult world with talking about ‘panic masters’, internships, job placements, and the classically vague ‘maybe I’ll go travelling’ statements. The fact is that many of us have absolutely no clue what’s next or where we’ll end up, and it’s stressing a lot of young people out that they’re expected to have their whole life mapped out when just a couple of weeks ago we were sitting our exams.

I’m a lucky one in that I do know what I want to do, and I have made moves towards that, but even I feel like I haven’t had a second to breathe before I have to sort the rest of my life out. Also, there’s a stigma against the graduates who choose a different route from the traditional ones. For example, I know I’m moving to a new city and I know what I want to do there, but a career as a radio presenter doesn’t exactly have a cushty grad scheme for me to apply for, so whenever I tell people my plans, they inevitably sound half-baked, and that makes me self-conscious. Even though, we don’t all have to work in an office straight after university if we don’t want to…

Sometimes everything feels like it moves so quickly that there’s no way you can keep up, then other days it’s easy – occasionally, even a bit boring. I’m definitely not qualified to be giving advice on what to do in these situations given that I’m part of those going through the experience, but what I have said to my friends when we’ve been in the car or in a living room, stressing about the future, is that the best approach to have is to do whatever makes you happiest. That might be another year of university, working abroad and travelling, moving to a new city to start a new job, or having absolutely no clue and needing a couple of months of nothing to figure yourself out. Obviously, money is a factor in this and it’s not always easy to do exactly what you’d ideally want to do, still, try not to put so much pressure on yourself to have everything mapped out right now; take a minute to breathe.

Truly, there is no rush.

The stress of the sesh

The stress of the sesh

by elizabethmdouglas ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

If we’re going to be honest about it, then realistically, most university students do not have a very healthy relationship with alcohol.

Or do we? Because, what do we mean when we say ‘a healthy relationship’? And does whatever definition we’ve concocted to answer that question change according to context? These questions can be rhetorical, or not, depending on your opinion and your own situation but for me, life as a university student is its own unique beast, and going back to a ‘proper’ university experience after quarantine has made me reassess my own relationship with drink.

Every student will know that one of the best parts of the university experience is the partying: the thrill of meeting new people and deciding whether you’re going to sacrifice tomorrow’s seminar for the sesh. Whether it’s the middle of the night conversations, the drunken silliness, the dancing, or the escape, alcohol and nights out afford university students freedom and liberation from not knowing who they are or what they want to do yet. (They also offer us an obscene amount of fun.) But our youth and our energy can cloud our judgement so much that sometimes we don’t realise that we’re regularly ingesting a really harmful drug. Saying that, I’m not about to bitch about drinking culture nor am I here to announce a ‘new, sober me’ because my love for the sesh and a vodka lemonade are too much to allow me to commit to that. However, after going out more this year and seeing familiar faces I’ve become a little paranoid about people’s perception of me after they’ve seen me drunk.

Unfortunately, we’ve all embarrassed ourselves when under the influence: we’ve said something we shouldn’t have, we’ve tumbled on the dance floor (although for me, that’s not particularly embarrassing lol), we’ve flirted with someone we shouldn’t have, and we’ve puked on someone’s floor. But what makes these things okay, is that most of us do our best to get drunk with and around our friends: with people we can trust. Having that security blanket of no judgement can mean that whatever mistake you make after that second tequila doesn’t have to define you for longer than you’d like it to. Although, if it was ridiculous and funny enough then you can count on someone having filmed it or made a mental note to never forget it and periodically remind you of it. Oh, the delights of friendship.

Occasionally however, in this university bubble you may find yourself with a group of people who have only ever seen you whilst drunk. And whilst that might not bother others, it doesn’t sit right with me because my next-day boozer anxiety makes me feel like I gave too much of myself to strangers. I don’t like the idea that there are people who only know me as whatever slurred words I said one night because I don’t know them enough to trust that there won’t be any judgement. I’ve never said anything that bad, or that deep, but still, I don’t know, I prefer to know people properly before we see each other drunk.

I think it’s also important to mention here that another layer of trust needed when drinking with people, is that you’re physically safe. Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past few weeks then you’ve seen that there’s been a huge and frightening problem with university students – mostly young women – being spiked whilst on nights out. Thankfully, it’s not something that has ever happened to me (touch wood), but if it did then the first thing that I would need in that moment is the support and help of those I’d gone on the night-out with. My friends and I aren’t always perfect when it comes to watching out for everyone on a night out because we’re young, we can get silly, and sometimes we can definitely get distracted by the fact that we’re horny, but I’m happy in the knowledge that if I were ever in trouble or if I ever felt like something was wrong then they’d sort me out in a matter of minutes. It might take a few minutes if they’ve been on the VKs, but it’d happen nonetheless.

So this week I mostly just want to encourage you to be aware of who you’re allowing yourself to be vulnerable around; drinking is fun, but only if you’re safe whilst you’re doing it. Watch how much of yourself you give to people – both physically and emotionally – and look out for your friends. Obviously, this would be the perfect time for me to say ‘drink responsibly’ but I don’t think many of us adhere to what the government describes as ‘responsible’ at this age…so I’ll leave you instead with this request: be careful.

See you later!

See you later!

by elizabethmdouglas ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

As I write this, it’s 30th June 2021, and it’s the last day of mine and my housemate’s tenancy for our second year of University. When we first moved in, it came at the end of an intense 5 months for the entire world; we’d been robbed of our third term of first year by the coronavirus pandemic, and we were moving in not really knowing what our second year would look like. Some of us came straight away, but it took until September/October for us to have pretty much a full house. First term was absolutely riddled with lockdowns and being ill with coronavirus, though we still managed to have some hectic nights-out before everything shut and make our university house start to feel like our home. We even cooked a Christmas dinner and got all dressed up to feel some semblance of normality – shout out to Rish’s brief stint as a mixologist. Then second term came and we had to STUDY. There were countless library trips, hours spent staring at laptops, withering attention-spans, and a whole lot of delirious laughter in between some snowball fights and getting lost in the woods as we searched for some alpacas. Obviously, we also had plenty of seshes, but that’s standard Lavender House activity.

Finally, we got our first summer term at university together. The exam period was exhausting, but it came and went pretty quickly overall, and I must say that sitting next to each other as we all attempted completely different exams was surprisingly enjoyable…Though not as enjoyable as when we finished and were able to just relax and spend time with each other.

Completing a year of university during a pandemic has been a real struggle for my friends and I at points. I can’t speak for everyone, but I know that I’ve felt moments of intense physical and emotional exhaustion, boredom, despondency, and isolation. But through all of that, we managed to laugh together every single day.

I was speaking to one of my housemates the other day about it, and we were saying just how strange it is that we come to university and we meet all of these people, and make all of these memories, then we all go off into the world and it’s unlikely that we’ll ever see each other again. Here, I probably sound super dramatic, and you’re probably wondering why I’m getting so sentimental when I haven’t even graduated, but next year is my year abroad so a lot of my friends will graduate before I come back, and also a little sentimentality wouldn’t hurt the English once in a while. After all, as much as we shy away from deep or intense emotion, it is true that we may never know what becomes of these people we’ve come to really care for in the past couple of years.

For me, if it weren’t for my university friends, then I don’t know how much I would’ve kept up with these blogs, or how confident I would’ve felt in making a podcast or being on the radio, and I most definitely would NOT have walked on a stage in front of everyone at our college fashion show. They’ve helped me to stop slut-shaming myself if I get drunk and feel like sleeping my with someone. They’ve let me cry to them about how difficult my degree is more times then they probably could’ve been bothered with, and they’ve forgiven my occasional tendencies towards passive aggression. But most of all, they’ve made me feel safe and loved, and they’ve made me laugh until my stomach hurt.

So whilst I know I will see many of you again, I wanted to take a second to give you some love as we all move out and go on to the next bit – whether that be a final year at university, a year abroad, a placement year, a masters degree, or the start to life as a university graduate. Regardless of how often we see each other again though, I’m going to steal the words of a friend I met and said goodbye to in Ukraine two years ago, and say that in the moments when I miss seeing you all the time, it’ll cheer me up to know that you exist somewhere.

See you later my loves x

Grind don’t stop

Grind don’t stop

by elizabethmdouglas ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

What have I been thinking recently?

Not a whole lot if I’m honest. I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts. Pretending the sun is way warmer than it actually is. I went oUt oUt on Thursday; that was exciting. I watched The Little Mermaid yesterday.

I’ve been kind of tired.

We’re in the very last stretch of the university year and intellectually, I’m exhausted. I’m not walking around like a zombie, sleeping 15 hours a day – though I do generally need 9-10 hours of sleep a day to function, but that’s besides the point. I’ve been having a great time over the last couple of weeks, seeing and spending time with my friends and family and getting excited about restrictions easing. But during all the laughs there’s still this constant nagging in my head reminding me that I’ve got work and deadlines, and it’s making me really tired.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy my degree, because I honestly do find researching and writing essays, and speaking foreign languages incredibly fun. But this last academic year has been so taxing and I’m just bored of looking at screens. I don’t want to have to open up my laptop and sit for at least 5 hours a day doing vocabulary, or grammar exercises, or researching and writing essays. I look at the blank digital pages where my 2,500-word essay should be and though I’ve never struggled to have opinions, I feel like I have nothing worthwhile to say anymore. So I avoid it, but that only makes the process longer.

It’s just that the sun’s coming out, and restrictions are finally lifting after the most stressful year of pretty much everyone’s lives, but those deadlines still beckon. (!!) And I know that it might sound like I’m complaining about nothing but my friends and I have had a year of online university-learning and it’s been really hard. Just last term, we would each walk around the house letting out short screams or hysterical laughter or mantras of ‘can’t be arsed, can’t be arsed, can’t be arsed, I can do it, I can do it, don’t wanna do it, have to do it, gunna do it’ from the kitchen all the way back to our laptops, on our desks, in our rooms. And whilst it was always kind of funny to hear who was ‘losing it’ today, the stress and lack of motivation have been rEAl this year.

Nonetheless, even though we’re all burnt the fuck out, there’s really not that long left now: last push and then we can spend a day not studying, without feeling guilty about it or reaping the consequences the next time we sit down at our desks.

So, back to the laptop screens we go, but just for a few more weeks this time kids. Deep breaths.

Xx

A little fish in a big pond

A little fish in a big pond

by elizabethmdouglas ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

As university students, often we live in our own little bubble. We learn, socialise and work all within the same groups, in the same places, mostly at the same times. But a not-so-wonderful consequence of this is that we can forget that we’ve invaded someone else’s city.

I was born in Durham and then lived here for 3 years before my family decided to move down to Bradford in West Yorkshire. I don’t really have any sentimental attachment to Durham itself, but the North East is where a lot of my family are from so whilst I think of myself as very much from West Yorkshire, this part of the country will always be very special to me.

However, in my first year of university I, like many others, got swept away in the excitement of it all. I barely ventured outside of the university world – by this, I don’t mean I never left college, I mean that everywhere I went was with my friends and either for lectures or drinking…So even though this is where I was born, by the time I started my second year I’ll be honest and say that I had very little knowledge of where I was living.

During my time in Durham so far, I’ve noticed quite a lot of rudeness from students to local people; both unintentional and intentional. I’ve been in conversations where I’ve heard students complain about locals being out at the weekend in the bars and the clubs, when I don’t really understand where this sense of entitlement to a private club night came from. These people are from here, and have as much right to a drink and a boogie on a Friday night as any student.

Also, whilst it is super annoying when your neighbour calls the police on you to make a noise complaint, you do have to sit back and remember that they’re probably not enjoying being woken up by a load of drunken students shouting on the street either…

I don’t mean to sound critical of student behaviour, because I’m one of the first to get giddy on a night out and go on a stupid adventure. All I mean to say, is that we do have to remember that we’re living within a wider community than our university bubble. So rather than shooting nasty glances at local people or ignoring them completely, start a conversation with your neighbours. This way, everyone can put a face, a name and a personality to who they’re living around.

I’ve spoken before about how important I think community is, and I think that now more than ever we really need to make an effort to not isolate ourselves from each other. Being a student is great, but it’s good to make sure that you’re not just someone staying in the city for the term; you’re part of the community living there.

Safety in numbers

Safety in numbers

by elizabethmdouglas ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Recently I’ve been thinking about how when we move to University, there’s this weird societal assumption that we’re all going to fit right in and find ‘our people’ as soon as we walk through the door. And whilst that can sometimes be true, it rarely is.

I was super fortunate to meet most of my friendship group within the first week. But I can’t say that we were all nearly as close last year as we are now, nor can I say that I felt 100% myself whenever I was around them. Clearly, this is because it takes time for people to relax enough to properly get to know one another away from the excitement of having just met.

So now I really appreciate how stable I feel in the friendships I started last year. Obviously, we still don’t know everything about each other, but I’m definitely expending a lot less energy trying to explain why I am the way I am to everyone this year. And that’s a huge relief.

But an even more liberating part of this term has been the stability of the relationships I have with the young women around me. Especially seeing as finding friendships with girls where you feel completely safe to speak about anything – without judgement – isn’t that easy. From my experience, some of the cruellest effects of our patriarchal society show themselves in women attacking each other.

As unfortunate as it is, feeling safe and free from judgement when around your female peers can sometimes become a matter of safety. I don’t like to catastrophise or to assume the worst, but it’s a dark reality that at least one of my female friends and I are likely to experience sexual abuse or harassment at some point in our lives – if someone hasn’t already. Not to mention the general discrimination we’re all going to experience pretty much every day. Therefore feeling secure in our relationships with each other often determines whether we’ll ever have the confidence to talk about this abuse or not.

On a more positive note, these close female friendships also afford young women the space to be completely themselves. They create room for us to discover and experiment with who we want to be; making mistakes without having to fear that those mistakes will be used against us in the future.

So if it’s taken you a year (or longer) to feel settled into the University/adult life, then know that there’s no shame in being a part of this club. And if you’re female, remember that women aren’t your enemies. Don’t support this f*cked-up patriarchy we live in by tearing each other down when society gives us enough grief already. As this week’s title states: there’s safety in numbers.

Yes, I actually sound like that

Yes, I actually sound like that

by elizabethmdouglas ♥ 1 Comment

I’ve had many people tell me that social class is really not a thing that’s relevant to Britain anymore. But then the people who say this tend to be from middle to upper class households. Thus their opinion isn’t going to be so appropriate when applied to those lower down in the pecking order…

I’m pretty solidly middle class: I was born in Durham and grew up in a very pretty part of Bradford. Both of my parents are English teachers, I went to a normal West Yorkshire state school and I’m not the first member of my family to go to University. But I’m also not rich: there have been many things in my life which I couldn’t afford, and I’ve had jobs since I was 16. In fact, I worked 3 of them to pay for my entire gap year and then spent most of my time abroad working anyway.

Whereas, both of my parents are working class through and through: my mum is from Bradford, West Yorkshire and my dad is from Blyth, a small ex-mining town north-east of Newcastle. They were the first of both of their immediate families to attend University and are very proud of coming from these parts of England.

This means that whilst I’m a comfortable middle class citizen, a significant portion of my values, experiences and personality come from being raised by my parents. Therefore part of me will always be kind of working class.

When I moved to University, my parents were so specific in making sure I knew that I was going to be surrounded by people who came from different, wealthier upbringings than I. They didn’t want me to harbour any prejudices but most of all they didn’t want me to feel intimidated. Luckily, I’m pretty non-judgemental as it is, so social class and where people come from or what they sound like matter very little to me. And if you asked most people, it’s likely that they’d say the same. However, just because someone says that they don’t actively care about things such as this, it doesn’t mean that the differences don’t exist.

So at University I’ve found myself in a bit of a sticky spot. This is because whilst I’m middle class like many of my friends, I’m also Northern English. And the north of England is an entirely different world to the south. I’m not working class enough to fit with the working class students, but a middle class life in London is very very very different to one in Bradford.

But how exactly do I not fit?

Well let’s take my accent as an example. I love the West Yorkshire accent, and in all honesty I really don’t have a strong version of it. But it’s definitely there and I definitely made a point of keeping it when I moved for University. I’d expected some teasing of my accent, because I knew that most of the other students would probably be southerners. But what I didn’t expect was someone to just straight-up ask me ‘oh wow, do you actually speak like that?’, surprised that I could be clever and still miss out my ‘t’s.

Mad isn’t it? Clever people with Yorkshire accents exist?!

I also just don’t have access to so much of my friends’ experience of school. I mean, we sat around the table one time and they were talking about their time as prefects. Prefects?! That wasn’t a thing at my school hahahah, and it sounds like something straight out of an old Enid Blyton book to me.

I love Durham University and many of the people I’ve met. But I’d be lying if I said that I feel like I fit in. To be honest, I don’t really feel like I fit in at home either but home is easier, because everything is so familiar – and nobody comments on how I sound, since we all sound like that.

I don’t prefer one world to the other at all, in fact I love that I can live in more than one. Moving has just made me realise how much of a north-south divide there really is. Sometimes I feel like I’m from an entirely different country, but I’m really not and it shouldn’t be like that.

But all that these differences come down to is wealth, and the north needs more of it.

Getting to know you

Getting to know you

by elizabethmdouglas ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

This weekend I’m spending my time back in beautiful Bradford for a couple of days, so naturally I thought it the perfect opportunity to write about my new University friends without having to awkwardly look at them whilst I describe them…so here you go squad.

On my very first day at Durham University, I met about half of the people I now call some of my closest friends and after the necessary small talk, we moved onto the hard-hitting stuff and discussed the wonderful world of hummus for (at least) 40 minutes. The traditional way to kick-start long-lasting friendships.

Meeting new people is always very challenging, seeing as you often have to try and decide which version of yourself you’re going to show for the first few days. You have to tip-toe around each other when it comes to humour, since you don’t want to offend someone or come across as unkind when all you’re trying to do is make everyone laugh. THEN, you also can’t really show anyone the moments when you’re tired or upset, seeing as you don’t want to come across as a downer, or boring to be around. So all in all, the first few days of University are kind of emotionally exhausting. But in the midst of all that internal stress, I was lucky to get to know some of the sweetest, funniest and most interesting people I’ve ever met in my life.

One of my favourite things about my new friends is that they come from all over the world, and have had such different life experiences to my own. Some spent their adolescence growing up in London, others in Scotland, one in Kenya and some even had the tough, tough time of having to grow up in the Midlands. It must have been rough guys, I can’t even begin to imagine…

JOKING! love you, can’t wait for some more Yorkshire jokes when I get back 🙂 xox

Moving to University is a really challenging moment in a young person’s life. We’re thrown into a completely new environment, with people we don’t know and who don’t know us, causing us to be on our best behaviour at all times – and there’s no guarantee that you’ll find people you feel really comfortable with at the end of all that. Lucky for me, I’ve found people I hope to be friends with for a very long time. I’ve struggled with missing home and being overwhelmed by my workload at points, but after having managed to surround myself with good people who make me feel relaxed, loved and safe at all times, getting through those moments has been easier.

So for anyone who’s struggling at University, or is about to go and is nervous, my advice to you is to find some people that you truly like and stick with them. A very very important element of doing that though is to also be yourself around those people; let them realise how much they like you too. It’s easy sometimes to hang out with people just because you think that they’re the ‘right’ people to associate with, but honestly there’s no point wasting your time like that, so try not to do it. If your relationship with someone doesn’t make you feel great most of the time, then ditch it. I’ve found that if you surround yourself with people whose company you genuinely really enjoy, life is that little bit more exciting. It sounds obvious, but you’d be surprised by the amount of people who stick in friendships they don’t even really like to begin with. Don’t be that guy: find some buddies you love as much as I love mine.